Self-Reflection: A Way to Discover Gifts

When facing difficult challenges, it can be difficult to find resources that will help. In my most recent podcast, I discussed several tools that can be used to change one’s perspective. Although counterintuitive, an effective tool I reviewed for identifying gifts we receive daily is called Naikan, which is a Japanese term that means literally ‘looking inside’. The practice uses three questions: What have I received from….? What have I given to……? What troubles and difficulties have I caused? The practice involves reflecting and noting answers for a set amount of time to the first two questions and twice that amount of time on the third question. During a Naikan Retreat at the ToDo Institute in Vermont, I began to understand emotionally and spiritually as well as intellectually the amazing interconnectedness of life. It was a fun aha to notice that we are constantly receiving. Reflecting for a moment upon the people who made it possible for me to sit at my desk in my chair to type upon my computer, caused me to appreciate the efforts of so many people. I benefit despite not knowing any of them. Reflecting upon what I have given often causes me to see where or how I could have shared more. Taking time to think about difficulties I have caused others truly made me pause.

I began to understand that reflecting upon difficulties is not about blame. Instead, the practice is about reflecting upon the specifics. Instead of saying I received friendship, the task is to reflect upon the smiles, words, meals, objects or activities that you felt you received from friends, family, co-workers, and even strangers. The task is the same for reflection upon giving. Reflecting upon difficulties caused takes more time because it can take more time to describe the specifics of a difficulty. Using driving as an example, a reflection might be: “I caused a driver on the interstate to have to brake suddenly because I drove into the lane in front of the oncoming car.” Noticing the difficulty often includes reflection upon the cause. In this case, it might be due to not looking carefully in the mirror to see that a car was approaching. Reflection involves contemplating what has happened instead of dwelling upon assumptions or blame. As a Naikan instructor, I learned how easy it is to place blame or use assumptions. Often times, when asking people to work in teams, I would hear one person tell the other, I caused a difficulty for you by _________. Then I would listen to the other person’s response of: “Difficulty!?? That helped me because __________”

Getting out of our own heads is often a greater part of the challenge to reflecting than conditions. So, take a few minutes to reflect upon what you received, what you gave and what troubles you caused.

For more information about Naikan as well as workshops and retreats to attend, contact the ToDo Institute in Monkton, Vermont at todo@todoinstitute.org.

Investigating ways to adapt to conditions as you age is essential. Doing so, you can use aging, regardless of your physical condition, as a strength. My upcoming book, Elderrific shares stories of how elders use superpowers to live and die well. The book includes practices you can use to tap your superpowers.

To hear more about tools that can be used to change one’s perspective, listen to my latest radio podcast. Click the link below to go to the podcast.

Close Up Radio Podcast